" I think I can settle these once and for all, although I’ve skipped a few of the more nebulous ones. Even I can’t answer everything.
Which circular needles are the best?
Surprisingly enough, clover bamboo circulars. The cable join is strong enough that it won’t snap when you’re strangling someone, even if they manage to get a hand in there and it takes longer than usual.
Why is there a disagree button?
Because you’re wrong. No, you really are.
Can I take needles on a plane?
This is what the internet is for. In the US, yes. Anywhere else: google it.
Why do people love red heart?
It’s cheap and you can get it almost anywhere. And it’ll still be in one piece long after humans have destroyed themselves and left the planet a barren, desolate wasteland, covered in piles of red heart afghans. And the colors! Especially fiesta.
Why do people hate red heart?
It’s made out of brushed fiberglass insulation and really cheap toilet paper.
What about copyrights?
Don’t share the pattern, don’t sell the object, without asking the designer. Yes, copyrights are a good thing. No, you cannot copyright a design by mailing it to yourself.
How do I sell my knitting?
Sell easy production pieces for cheap, or sell amazing works of art for lots. There’s little middle ground.
Why waste your cash on cheapskate yarn?
Because I can roll in a huge pile of yarn that you could never afford from your hoity toity yarn shop!
Why buy gold-plated yarn?
Because I don’t get severe friction burn when I wear the stuff I make, and money makes the FO prettier. It really does.
Cat declawing: cruel, but very rarely, necessary.
Why do people friend me?
It could be because you’re awesome. So - are you?
Is it okay to friend someone I don’t know?
Only if they’re awesome.
Should I be afraid if someone I don’t know friends me?
If you are considering this, then yes. They might get you. Or raid your stash page and download all your yarn through the tubes.
What type of interchangeable needles are best:
Knitpicks Harmonies. The colors make the blood less visible, and the points are perfect for stabbin.
Continental vs English knitting:
Easy. Knit English if you’re English. Knit continental if you’re a continent.
Love/hate acrylic yarn:
Love. You just can’t get the same flame from wool, no matter how much gasoline you soak it in.
Noro:
Technicolor goat barf, sticks and all. Although how they get the goats to barf in such precise repeats of color is beyond me …
Why are there knots in skeins?
Because I put them there.
I need yarn to finish my project!
There’s a group for that. It isn’t magically located by crossposting on several of the big 6 boards at once, unless you count how helpful people will always pop up to inform someone of the group’s existence.
My (blank) is in a contest with (blank) vote for them!
No. Cheater.
My (creature) is the cutest!
No, they aren’t.
How do you block acrylic?
You don’t. Or, you torture it into submission and wear its lifeless corpse. It is a dichotomy.
This pattern is for DPNs, can I use magic loop?
Okay, fine. The only answer I could think of to this was mean to anyone who has really asked this question. So forget it.
Why does anyone make dishcloths:
Oh, only the people who actually wash their dishes make those.
Where do I get a pattern that is listed as being in a magazine:
The magazine. Next!
Where are the patterns:
This one’s pretty meta. And my snark reserves are running low.
How big will it be after blocking:
As big as you block it, but generally slightly larger than it is now.
How small will it be after felting:
Impossible to predict - it’s magic. Next you’ll be wanting to predict the weather.
Can I felt in a front loading machine:
I’ve felt a lot of machines in my day. You just have to ask politely first, some of them don’t go in for that kind of thing.
Why doesn’t my acrylic lace look like lace made out of wool?
Because wool is stickier than acrylic. Put a dab of glue on every stitch and then it’ll look right.
Why isn’t knitty out yet?
Because they stick to a strict schedule of always announced updates, fueled by all our subscriptions.
Ugh, okay, I’m done. For now. Come on, ask Shishkani another question.
ETA: Sorry. I’m trying to write my thesis (yeah right, really looks like it) and I might be going crazy."
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